Treat divorce as a processIt will come to an end at some point
Don’t expect to move swiftly from the decision to divorce to the end dateIt might take longer than you imagine
Book a holiday as soon as your decree absolute is in sightSo you have something to look forward to
Don't open letters or emails about the divorce at night or at the weekendThey may bring bad news and result in a bad night’s sleep or a ruined weekend
Your generosity will be repaid
Therapy can help to deal with feelings of guiltAnd a fear of being alone
Find a really good couple counsellorHowever civilised you make it, divorce is best avoided if possible
It takes a long time to come to terms with the emotional impact of divorce
Don't be afraid of giving your marriage a second chanceEven if you have seen a divorce lawyer
Think carefully about why you want to divorceGive yourself time to make the right decision for you
Choose a very experienced lawyerAnd follow their advice
Focus on the big pictureSmall matters can be time consuming and unnecessarily costly to negotiate
The divorce is only the beginning, not the endParticularly if you have children
Even if the divorce leaves you less well offIt can provide other positive aspects
Divorce is an unpleasant processBut you do get through it
It takes time to heal from a divorce
Don't get caught outEnsure you are properly prepared if any of the orders can be varied
Talk to your children about how they are feelingAnd don't forget adult children need support too
Don't take all the advice given by well meaning friendsMake sure it is right for you
On a bad day, write down how you are feelingSomehow it does help
  1. Treat divorce as a process – it will come to an end at some point.
  2. The divorce is only the beginning, not the end, particularly if you have children.
  3. Don’t expect to move swiftly from the decision to divorce to the end date – it might take longer than you imagine.
  4. Do not open letters or emails relating to the divorce at night or at the weekend – they may bring bad news and will result in a bad night’s sleep or a ruined weekend.
  5. Your generosity will be repaid.
  6. Therapy can help to come to terms with any feelings of guilt you may have and the fear of what might happen once you initiate divorce.
  7. Seek out a really good couple counsellor as however civilised you make the divorce, it is best avoided if at all possible.
  8. The emotional impact of divorce takes a long time to come to terms with.
  9. Don’t be afraid of trying to give your marriage a second chance, even if you have seen a divorce lawyer. And don’t feel embarrassed about picking up with the divorce lawyer once again if your marriage can’t be saved.
  10. Think carefully, try and evaluate why you want to separate/divorce and give yourself time to make the right decision.
  11. Choose a very experienced lawyer if you can and follow their advice.
  12. Focus on the big picture – not on small matters which can be time consuming and unnecessarily costly to negotiate.
  13. Even if the divorce results in a less financially rich life, it can provide other positive aspects.
  14. Although divorce is an unpleasant process – rather like being on an emotional rollercoaster – you do get through it and there is life on the other side.
  15. It will take time for you and other family members to heal from the impact of divorce.
  16. Don’t get caught out – bear in mind whether any of the orders can be varied and ensure you are properly prepared for any “round 2”.
  17. Take the opportunity to talk to your children about the impact of the divorce on them, and don’t forget that adult children need to be helped through divorce too.
  18. Don’t take all the advice given to you by well meaning friends. Make sure it is relevant and good for your particular situation.
  19. If you are having a really bad day think about writing down exactly how you are feeling. Somehow it does help.
  20. Book a holiday as soon as your decree absolute is in sight so you have something to look forward to.